im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
