you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
