I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
