i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
