you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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