6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
