Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
