i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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