Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dignity is for republicans.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
