I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
