I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
