i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
