Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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