in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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