We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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