We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize