It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
