I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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