I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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