She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
