It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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