it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
