I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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