theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize