that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
