I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
