I just pynch a tree in the face
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
