What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
