How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
