i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
