yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
