i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
