Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
