I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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