No awkward lesbian experiences without me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
