He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm bleeding and have questions
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize