new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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