i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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