If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize