So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
