I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
