she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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