His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
