Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
