I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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