Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fuck appropriateness.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
