Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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