Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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