The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
