My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
