Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
