I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
