the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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