Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
