im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
