Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
PANTIES FOUND
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