He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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