Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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