he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
