ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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