would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
