Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
