how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this just has baby written all over it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
