there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize