i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
