Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
