I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
